because you're already gone...

i don't understand.
this was supposed to be a better year than last
we were reconciling
counseling
the works
i thought, you and me
"we..."
were making progress,
together.
but in reality
i was moving in one direction
and you, the other.
we went out tonight
i stood in the same spot on the dance floor
and waited for you all night, alone.
somehow, you waited for me and we missed out on that connection and now,
what's left....
nothing.
you, angry with me
and no explanation
i will ask, because i care. more than you can ever know.
why? what is it?
because with you, you are the ONE person that was worth it to me.
anyone else can walk out of my life and it wouldn't hurt, i'd be prepared
thanks to my daddy
you, the one person i would push to ask why? whats wrong? why would you want to leave me?
and somehow, i am willing to endure
an umbrella being thrown, at my head,
you leaving us all behind
to forge your way
the slap in the face i got,
when i opened our bedroom door.
just wanting to talk, to understand what's wrong, to talk with you.
the way you grabbed my arm,
just hard enough
so it will bruise
and i saw the end of my life tonight,
cowering in a corner by my dresser
when you raised this laptop above your head in rage
after my cell phone completed it's journey,
out of your hand and across the room
hitting the wall just loud enough to wake the neighbors and be embarrassing
but just far enough away from me that i will stay,
with you
since i can endure
so much
anything, really
but the one thing i should not have to endure again, please not this.
abandonment.
it would have hurt less,
if you'd let that laptop down upon my head
and left me for dead.
now you've let me know, you just confessed
you are already gone.
to california with your father.
where you'll be happy, and i will eventually find someone better
you fucking idiot.
you've got me.
my heart, all of it and there's room for no one else
and it's being thrown away
there is no way in the world for me to make you realize that
i am with you because i want to be, i chose to be
not because i had to be.
its hard for me to know that you cannot grasp that concept
and tiring for me to continually
try to reassure you.
so now i count the days...
and know that even if i continue to give it my best shot
even if we go to counseling and act as though we are working on "us"
you, as they say in that song "Viennna"
"are already gone..........................."
"there's really no way to reach you,
you're
alreaaaadddyy
gone."
and there's nothing holding you back, is there?
you were gone before i even had a chance.
or a hint that you'd thought it was best
and how many days, until you go?
either way, you've decided to hate me, for some reason you cannot express verbally
i sound like such a victim
but really i just feel as though i've been blind sighted
with the worst pain and fear of my life.
last year, January, began with a car crash,
my aunt's life gone.
i had prayed that somehow, someway, this year would be different.
obviously, no matter how you try or what you plan,
life just doesn't give you much say in the matter.

SAD BUT TRUE RIGHT NOW... The lyrics....FUCK

The day's last one-way ticket train pulls in
We smile for the casual closure capturing
There goes the downpour
Here goes my fare thee well

There's really no way to reach me (x3)
'Cause I'm already gone

Only so many words that we can say
Spoken upon long-distance melody
This is my hello
This is my goodness

There's really no way to reach me (x3)
'Cause I'm already gone

Maybe in five or ten yours and mine will meet again
Straighten this whole thing out
Maybe then honesty need not be feared as a friend or an enemy
This is the distance
And this is my game face

There's really no way to reach me (x2)
Is there really no way to reach me?
Am I already...

So this is your maverick
This is Vienna